On a Day of Love, Some Lessons from Being Sick

Being so sick makes you realize a lot of things. You might think you are an adult, but you get really sick and you feel just like a helpless little kid, like all you want is somebody to hug you, wipe your snotty little nose, say "it's gonna be okay, I'm here."

I am blessed to have kind loving people who care about me and will help me as soon as they know that I need help. Sometimes you just gotta ask for help. 

Whether it is saying oh honey, giving me advice on the phone from another state, making me soup, bringing me food and DVDs, talking to me on the phone saying yes I will get better, helping me to clean, going to the store to get me medicine, patting my back, sending me nice texts and emails and well wishes on facebook - I have had people do all those things for me over the past week. 

Another thing you realize. Every day of life is a gift, and your body is a miracle. You especially remember this when you can’t do normal actions you usually take for granted, like cook for yourself, clean your room, walk any distance further than like the bathroom, breathe freely, have a conversation without breaking down coughing, sleep through the night. 

Sometimes things just take time. Waiting and doing the things you know are good to the best of your ability, sometimes that’s all you can do. 

I love the put your face in a bowl of steam and cover with a towel treatment.

I went for a snowshoe hike Sunday with my coworkers in the White Mountains. I’d been planning/coordinating the hike for weeks (or even months) so, even though I was still pretty far from being better, I just went, because I’d been planning it and looking forward to it for so long, because being couped up inside was getting very old, and because I wanted to go, damnit. We hiked up the White Ledge Trail near Albany NH. A nice little 4.5-miler with some moderate elevation gain (1500’ or so) and some nice views. On the descent, amidst the trees, the sunlight shining bright on the snow, the views of frozen lakes powder-white at the bases of the other mountains around us, I thought to myself. This is holy. As holy to me as I once wanted going to church to be. 

And God saw that it was Good. And I saw that it was Good too! Nothing like the fresh clear mountain air to clear your lungs and freshen your spirits.

Anyway, still fighting off the remnants of this beast. Hope to have fully beaten it in the next few days. 

Maybe a little bit rambly, and not a super Valentines Day post, but I guess there are all kinds of love. And I am loved in many ways. I am loved.

Pupcakes anyone?

I was feeling in the mood to make something cheesy/crafty and thought "aha! groundhog cupcakes." Did a quick google image search for ideas and let me tell you, a lot of them are downright disturbing.

This one looks like a pedophile.

Mouse... with... dentures?

I'm meltinggggg.

Still looks like a peanut.

Just looks vaguely inappropriate.

Sweet mercy what is that thing??? Little poops with M&M eyes?

Finally I saw a link for these Punxsutawny Phil pudding pops from the Junior Society. Unfortunately, I was unable to access the original post, or the blog at all, so we may never know what Junior Society is or where they went. Since the Junior Society was MIA, I figured it would work with cupcakes too.

Nilla wafers for heads.

Almond slices for the ears.

I used yellow cake mix and made some chocolate buttercream frosting. Nutella used to fasten the ears and to draw the faces. They don't look 100% groundhog, more teddy bear almost, but I decided I would rather have cute, bear-like cupcakes than creepy, groundhog-like ones (and even the "groundhog-like" is questionable in many of the instances I came across).

Winter Learning

As you know, I attended one of the winter mountain workshops with the New Hampshire chapter of the AMC (in specific, I believe my class was called "intermediate winter wilderness travel" or something like that).

Left work early Friday and carpooled up with some other people who were attending from the Boston area. Had some classroom sessions and went out for some hikes with our groups on snowshoes, did a 2,900' or something the first day, and bushwhacked up to a smaller hill and over to an old cellar hole (where there used to be a house like a thousand years ago, probably less than that). We slept in a lodge in bunk beds. We ate a wooden tables in a dining hall with giant timber beams across the ceiling. Like probably 2' deep or something. Nothing like could be built now. I believe the lodge was built in the 20s or 30s, so there were still some big trees like that then. It was kind of paradise there. Got back Sunday evening and had a couple friends/family members over for a little birthday toast.

Things I learned (or did for the first time):

• Learned the symptoms of hypothermia, what to do if something like that happens, what the biggest dangers or things to avoid are
• Carry extra set of socks, dry long underwear, in your pack
• Learned to read a compass/setting bearings
• Bushwhacking (going off the trail, just through the woods, using your map and compass to get from point A to point B)
• Saw where a moose had chewed the bark off of trees. The type of tree was called striped maple, I believe, but the nickname is moosewood, because they sure do love it. 
• Saw snowshoe hare tracks
• Broke trail (this is very fun, basically you are walking in the front of the group, on the fresh snow, and you may or may not be finding the way to go, depending if you are following a trail or bushwhacking)

Things I learned (or remembered) about myself:

• I love being outside
• I love being active
• I love learning new skills
• I am excited to be the first to do something
• I like to notice things and try to figure out what is going on or what caused it to happen or be that way
• I'm not cold when I'm moving

We were packing up to head home and somebody said "back to the real world" and to be honest I was a little bit bummed. The weekend really was spectacular. But then I wondered. Is where we were, in the forest, in the mountains among trees and snow and open sky, isn't that more the real world than almost anything? In a way, yes it is. It does remind you how fragile you are, as a creature, how much we need clothes, shelter, heating, insulation, things like that to keep us warm. That is pretty damn real. We kind of live in a bubble that we can take those things for granted.

In a way it was like a dream too, so so so beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful. So much fun. And there wasn't anything to worry about really, they fed us, told us what to do, taught us what we needed to know. Really the main thing to worry about is not dying, and you do worry about that, a tiny bit, but only from time to time.

Which is more real? I guess all of it is IT IS ALL REAL.

The Sweetest Birthday Wishes, from My Mom...

Got this email in my inbox when I returned from my NH weekend. I think it might be the best happy birthday I got this year.

Hey Hi Birthday Girl!

Hope you're having a wonderful day snowshoeing around - we even got the snow that I special ordered JUST FOR YOU...

Getting out this AM put me in mind of the Saturday morning you were born - it was sooooooo cold that AM that by the time we got Kevin into & out of the car to the Guggios house [and we only had to take him at W______ Rd] and then on to Beth Israel hospital, my labor stopped - and it had been going strong for several hours. Fortunately when I 'thawed out' things kicked back into high gear and we had you .. ta-da here she is! I am so glad that we did; you have truly been a joy to me. I love your spirit and quirky-ness and joie de vivre and kind & generous & loving nature and exceptional, inquisitive mind and your creativity ...and so much more! I love you more than words can say. Happy Birthday, Katie. 

It really means something, coming from the person who has known you since you were born. Who actually made that happen (your birth). Who wiped your little butt and your snotty little nose and held your hair back while you barfed into the toilet and put up with you when you were acting like a little shit... who watched you grow through that super awkward phase (which you may or may not still be in), who loved you through it all and will continue to love you through it all.

Thanks Mom!

Winter Adventure

This weekend I turn 28.

Also, I am taking a winter wilderness/snowshoe class with AMC. I will need to purchase, borrow, or rent a couple more pieces of gear. Specifically microspikes, as the terrain near the hut where we'll be staying is apparently super icy.

It is so exciting, I can't wait! I can't wait!

I am trying to get my coworkers (or some of them) to do a winter snowshoe hike too. There's actually some significant interest!

Also, I have been spending a bit of time lately with someone for whom it actually makes sense to say "you too" when he says "happy birthday" to me. Cute, right?

AHH

This is the time of year in which I am confused both about how old I am and which year to put at the end of the date. It's like a mini number identity crisis.

p.s. it's 2012 and I'm still 27 for a couple more days (although have thought I'm 26, 27, and 28 this past week).

NBPM: Recipe - Pumpkin Bread

This is a recipe that kind of developed over the course of several batches. It started from a google search for pumpkin bread recipe, involved accidentally adding twice the amount of pumpkin the recipe called for (2 cans instead of 2 cups OOPS) and went from there, including a new type of flour, and a reduction in sugar. The result is a moist and hearty spiced bread.

Pumpkin Bread

4 eggs

1C sugar (brown or white, I prefer brown) 

1-3T maple syrup (or you can skip the syrup and add up to another 1/2C sugar, if you like)

2 cans unsweetened plain pumpkin

1C vegetable oil

2/3C almond milk (or regular milk or water)

3 1/2C flour (I use barley flour but whole wheat or white works too)

1/2t baking powder

2t baking soda

3/4t salt

1t nutmeg

1t cloves

1t cinnamon
1t ginger
1t allspice

1. Preheat oven to 375 F.

2. Mix eggs and sugar. Add pumpkin, almond milk, maple syrup, oil. Mix thoroughly.

3. Combine all dry ingredients in separate bowl. Mix together with with pumpkin mixture.

4. Pour into greased baking pans. Begin checking large loaf at 50-60 min. Begin checking smaller ones sooner, perhaps 35-45 min. The above makes one loaf pan and three small loafs. I like it because the big loaf is for me to eat and share; the small ones can be for gifts! A half recipe makes one loaf. 

Variations 

Sprinkle top before baking with a bit of cinnamon sugar and some sunflower seeds and chopped pistachios. Press it into the batter a little bit with your fingers. You could probably use slivered almonds, other chopped nuts, and/or oats, I am thinking of trying that next time. 

or

Mix 1C chopped nuts into batter when combining wet and dry ingredients.

Ughhhh

I spent the night at my parents'. A freak snowstorm came through the area... a lot of the leaves are still green actually.

Several inches we got.

As I was falling asleep I could hear the rustle of the wind, the occasional crack of wood splitting, the thud of a heavy branch hitting the ground. Oh please don't let the house get damaged I prayed. If you are there God and if you have the power to answer prayers like this, please please keep the house from getting damaged. It was the most sincere prayer I've prayed in a long time, and I guess it was actually pretty selfish of a prayer too, since I have invested so much time, energy, resources. But oh well, I think the prayer came true, or else we were lucky, or coincidence. There are  branches everywhere, all over the yard. Branches... actually some are the size of small trees themselves. But I think the house is ok.

It's annoying though. All this work we have been putting in for over a year. Things are finally starting to look good. They are having the real estate agent in Tuesday to take photos. Even if the storm hadn't hit, there's still quite a bit that we have to do on the inside, some last junk to box up, cleaning, etc. Now we are gonna have to saw up all those branches and haul them away too! I will be soooo glad when this sells.

Oh well the sun's coming out now, the snow is starting to fall from the branches in wet chunks (sorry for that imagery there!), the bent branches starting to straighten out again. I think it will all be melted by Tuesday.

I ordered some snow/hiking boots from REI with a 20% discount and they just arrived. I am ready to face yardwork with warm feet. Bring it on BITCHESSSSSS...

Goodbye Week, Hello Weekend

This weekend we have a baby* party at my apartment for Kaci + Tom.  My littlest sister sings in West Side Story.  I get to see almost my whole family.  And dear dear dear Rachy comes to stay for a few days! 

Goodbye week, hello weekend. 




*That baby's gonna be here so soon...

Modified Sugar Cookies

We wanted to make sugar cookies, but didn't have all the ingredients AND we didn't want to refrigerate the dough for 2 hours. Also we didn't have an electric mixer.  Here's the modified recipe.  Delicious.  Not too sweet, a tiny bit biscuit-y, and the icing adds a nice touch of sugar.

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour (we substituted 2/3 cup whole wheat pastry)
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup unsalted butter
• Scant cup brown sugar, not packed
• 1/4 cup mashed ripe banana
• 1 tablespoon heavy cream

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Mix flour, baking powder, and salt.  Combine butter and sugar (since the brown sugar was pretty much solidified, we put it in the microwave with the butter and kept stirring occasionally until the sugar and butter had formed a warm brown liquid - then we had to put it in the freezer for a couple minutes).  Add banana and cream.  Mix to combine. Add flour; mash with fork and then with your hands until it's all mixed.

Plop dough onto parchment paper and put in freezer until it feels cold when you touch it. 

Bake ~9 minutes.  Makes about 30 cute little cookies. 


Icing 

• 1/2 stick butter, softened
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1/2 tablespoon cream
• 1 tsp vanilla

Mix it all together and add food dye as desired.

What Happened to the Strainer?

It melted. 

We made a big brunch with kale, eggs, fruit salad, and potatoes. Somehow the plastic strainer was on the back of the stove for too long.

Cool, huh?


p.s. sorry - not sure what's up with the formatting here

Impulse Purchases Today

Today was so so so nice (like 55 degrees).  I got done with work and wandered a little bit, popped my head in different places.

-Little purple shoes
-A whole pineapple
-Poached eggs
-Lava cake

The first two I purchased on the way home, the second two were at a Greek/breakfast restaurant I passed in my wanderings.  Only one of these I regret. 

Can you guess which? 

Being Happy, Dammit

Unofficial slogan for me these days (apparently):

It's MY life and I'm going to do what I want and be HAPPY, dammit.

I don't really why I feel suddenly freed, but I do.  I just find myself doing so many things I never felt like I could or should do. And I like it. 

Me with the Rat

Just a little burst of good cheer after that depressing previous post.

Winter

Why is life so hard in the winter?  My life is not a bad life.  I try to think positive thoughts, do fun things, keep active, but somehow everything is several times more difficult than usual, and sad. 

This is how I feel: how can I face another week? 

Contrast

The wind is howling outside my window and the radiators are whistling and drumming merrily.  A duet, of sorts.

Snow Miracle

It snowed here. A lot.  I might write about Christmas holiday at some point, but now I am just so happy about this beautiful snow.  Here's something I wrote about our first, little snow last week, it still applies, perhaps more:

AHHHH snow is so pretty! Walking to the train this morning was a little bit thrilling. Neighbors out shoveling. Little doggies making tracks on the sidewalk. The ice on the river, covered in white, except for a few swirly patches here and there. The roofs of the buildings, white. The swings in the playground, people’s front steps. White. Also, I like that the snow kind of shakes everyone back to reality. Everything looks so different. The world looks so different, the same trees, cars, sidewalks, but somehow all brand new.

Snow found its way everywhere. 

Not even the birdhouse was spared.

Three in a row. 

Ice, ice, baby. 

Drippy.

The snow collected in a narrow cap along the top of the fence.  

Trees.  Branches. Snow.  Sky.

Snow barf on everything.

View from front porch.

I have a ton more where that came from, but those are just some highlights.

I woke up with a killer headache and called in to work saying I needed to go back to bed.  When I awoke for real and had something to eat and drink, I checked to make sure it was fine if I took a 'snow day' for myself.  I then proceeded to lounge around for awhile as snowy wind howled around the apartment.  After I had enough of coziness, I bundled up, went out on foot with my camera and my HP7 book, sat in a cafe for awhile, sipped some hot cider.

Bubs and I tried to go skating but it was closed because of THE WEATHER.  Silly.

So we found ourselves having Vietnamese and watching TRON: Legacy.  We both ended up pretty happy with that series of events.  Movie recommended if you're in the mood for a fun, action-y film with fun,  action-y soundtrack.  3D not required.


A song my mom used to sing.

It snowed last night, it snowed last night.
The sky bears had a pillow fight,
Tore up all the clouds in sight, tossed down all the feathers white.
Oh, it snowed last night, it snowed last night.

Today

Went to my friend's mom's Christmas concert at this unitarian church (where I attended nursery school, actually).  It was nice, the melodies were nice and the chords were nice.  The choir was beautiful. Music can touch that part inside of you where words cannot reach, where you know things matter and are good, even if you don't know how to describe it.

I'd been feeling tired and a little sick this morning, so I kind of didn't even want to do anything.  But I'm glad I went.

I haven't really been going to church, and I don't think it's a bad thing to not go, it is maybe what I need right now, but still, I miss things being so HOLY like that. I like Christmastime a lot.  It's one of my favorite holidays.  I like lights in the darkness, warmth in the cold, baking treats, spending time with loved ones, and I like that story of a tiny little baby who ended up leading a pretty big life.

They didn't sing this one, but I just like it.  Enjoy.  

Conrbread Pudding

This recipe we based off of something from online that was a little more bland, but we spiced it up a bit.  I think it could stand to be a little more spiced, actually.  I can't find the recipe we based it off of though.  But it's a lot different from that original recipe.  The end result was hearty and pretty tasty. 

Set oven to 350 degrees.

Mix the following ingredients in a large bowl:

•  Stick of butter, melted
• 1 c cornmeal
• 3 eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 c buttermilk (we used 2 c regular milk + some lemon juice)
• finely-chopped veggies, just whatever there was, which happened to be approximately:

- 1/2 red pepper
- small red onion
- 3/4 c black beans, drained
- 1/2 c corn, drained

• 1 t baking soda 
• 1/2 t salt
• black pepper
• some Boursin cheese, about 1/2 package

Pour into buttered skillets or baking pans (we used two large cast-iron skillets), but two 9" rounds would probably work as well.

Top with:

• small can mild green chilies, drained
• 1 c shredded extra sharp cheddar cheese

Bake for 45 min or until egg is set and cheese is golden brown.

Love Notes

Dear Boston,
Just wanted to make sure you didn't forget about me and my harrowing beauty.  Didn't want you to grow complacent.  Didn't want you to forget pain. 

love,
Snow



Dear Boston,
You should have known I am capricious and fickle.  You should have known I make an exciting lover but a terrible spouse.  And Newt, you should have worn gloves today. 

love,
March



Dear woman next to me on the train with the books of art photographs that were so beautiful,

Why did you flip through the pages so quickly?  I didn't even get a chance to see half of them, let alone CHERISH the aesthetic details.

I understand it is YOUR BOOK, but still...

-Newt



Dear Snow/March,
We are going to bloom anyway.  And we're not going to die.

-Pretty Trees



Dear Newt,
It is my book, so I can do what I want with it.

-Woman next to you on the train with the art photograph books

p.s. Stop snooping over my shoulder.