High Five Me

Apparently I just post animated gifs on my blog now.

I have more to share, but not ready to be totally public about it yet! So you just get Tina Fey being awesome.

Ok or not ok?

Well, since yesterday was so effing balmy, I stayed up and did some extra work ahead of time for my now crazy schedule - taking accelerated Human Physiology and Chemistry II simultaneously - Wednesdays are particularly brutal, 9:30 AM to 9:00 PM, fortunately one class got out early, so I'm writing about a little "moral dilemma" situation I had in Chem lab.

For lab today I made up an excel ahead of time/last night with the graph for our data (the graph would populate once we had filled the data into the table, which I also set up). Part of the post-lab assignment is to create a graph like the one that I had made ahead of time. After we got our data, I entered it into the table on my laptop, and we used the spreadsheet to do the calculations instead of doing all of them manually/on a calculator. My partner and I both copied the numbers into our lab notebooks. But then, he asked if I could send him the excel and the graph. I said that I didn't think it would be fair, because that is the assignment, that is the work he is supposed to do. I pointed out that we had written down the numbers we had calculated in class in our lab notebooks anyway, and said I could email him the raw data, but not the analysis part.

I don't know if I erred on the side of being too stingy, but whether I did or didn't, I guess it was probably the right choice ultimately, for me, because I would have felt annoyed having done the work myself and then just giving it to him for free.

Self-Insight

So. Thoughts since my big life changes.

I feel happy. I am challenged. I am working toward a bigger goal, something worthwhile. I am learning so so so much each and every day. I'm feeding my brain with a lot of new thoughts and information. Spending more time outdoors, in sunlight, exercising so much. My body feels great, my soul feels great.

So in the future I need to really remember that these are things that contribute to my overall well-being. Not  overlook or settle or anything like that. Make them a priority, wherever I find myself, whatever I end up doing with life.

Hopefully I'm learning to be in tune with myself and to recognize the absence of these qualities to life.

That is all.

Sad Day

During my observation hours today I saw a lot of patients I'd never seen before but also two repeat patients (i.e. I was observing another time when they also had come in for treatment). The first was in her early 30s, had back pain, was doing quite better.

The second a man, much older, had gotten knee replacement surgery. The first time I saw him he was in a lot of pain, had very limited mobility. It had been several weeks since the surgery and his recovery was unusually slow. It was obvious that even bending or straightening his knee was causing him a lot of pain. He ended up having to have manipulation under anesthesia performed (basically they knock you out and the surgeon bends the knee to restore range of motion - sounds gruesome but apparently tends to be effective). That was a few weeks ago.

He was the last patient today and it was kind of heartbreaking. For whatever the reason he had lost almost all of the mobility that the knee manipulation had restored. It was almost exactly the same as the first time I saw him getting therapy. Even with assistance, his knee was not able to bend past 90 degrees, and even that caused him immense pain. He was shaking and kind of whimpering, eyes pressed tightly closed, and when he opened them, they were watery. It didn't seem like it should have caused him so much pain, and the PT I was observing said that even for people of comparable age, this is rare. It just appeared that his body experienced pain differently from most people, that he wasn't able to do - or motivate himself to do - his exercises because of the pain he was experiencing (even with a pretty hefty dose of percocet).

I don't know. It just seemed like, if he cannot do what needs to be done to restore the range of motion in his leg, it isn't unlikely that he will ever be able to walk without pain. I just felt kind of bummed out leaving on that note. The PT was really supportive and encouraging to him, but I think she felt a little bummed out too.

I am gonna win

Ugh two finals this coming week. I'm SO not feeling prepared. I had a fabulous week in Yosemite (see Facebook pictures, since pretty much all my readers are fb friends anyway) but that meant missing an entire week of the like six-week semester. Not so great. I did surprisingly well on the first two exams, if only I could make this work... I have done quite a bit of studying over the weekend since I've been home. But somehow I just don't know if it will be enough to make up for the three lectures and two labs that I ended up missing in order to go on the trip.

Ok well the lecture exam is Wednesday, the lab exam on Thursday. I guess just do the best I can do and hopefully get better than a C for the course.

Aw ploppy.


(I had originally had a much more negative title, but decided that's no way to succeed)

Learning

Anatomy class is like being thrown into a foreign country, only knowing a handful of words. It's all jargon to you, all these terms, you have to just try to memorize them all, repeat them at rote. But then. Suddenly things start appearing in multiple places, you recognize a word or a phrase, it relates to something else you know, you understand how two things fit together, why one thing is called what it is called.

Cool.

We had our first exam, a lecture exam, on Thursday. I don't think I failed it, but other than that I have no idea how I did. Tomorrow is the lab practical exam. Eep! I was telling a friend, I think the honeymoon phase of back-to-school is over. It is still interesting, still cool, but it is definitely WORK now.

We also began our cat dissections last week. Not nearly so bad as I thought. Still gross, but I did not die. I think somehow I'm always amazed that I'm not dead after doing something which I've been dreading. Like somehow I cannot conceive of life after the horrible event which is to come. But that has proved false, time after time, so you'd think I might learn. But anyway. I am getting desensitized to the dead flesh aspect of it and more able to look at it and try to learn what I can and need to learn from it.

I did very well on the math and verbal GREs, only ok on the writing. Probably more than good enough for PT school, but I still might want to re-try later just because I think I can do better than that. Hm. Realisticaly I probably won't.

Interosseus membrane.

Anatomy Day 1

Well, I did it. Attended class: both lecture and lab.

I can tell it is going to be a lot of work, but I think it will be doable. I am actually pretty nervous how it will be for me dissecting the real animal tissue. Today in lab we just looked at plastic models of human organ systems and also some microscope slides of different types of tissue (histology). But sooner or later we will be cutting up whole - and portions - of cats, sheep, pig, etc. Well the lecture professor said at least one thing that reassured me, the animals didn't die so that we would have something to dissect. They were either from shelters (sad) or had to be put down for other reasons.

Anyway though. On a less sad-animal note, here's something cool I learned today. In terms of comparative anatomy, guess what corresponds with our ear canal, in fish.

It is actually the gills. Can you believe that? I cannot. I mean, I can actually, and it's kind of fascinating.

I had an lunch and an interesting conversation with a little 19-year-old college sophomore who's also taking the class and who has her head on surprisingly straight for someone of that age. I was impressed. It is interesting looking back at myself almost ten years ago. I'm not sure I would have had it so together back then. I think I told her as much. She was also heartened upon hearing that I am in the process of making so drastic (somewhat, not super drastic) of a career change, that she didn't have to know exactly what she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

It's ok little one, life's gonna throw in turns and kinks into whatever you plan anyway.

(last sentence as much for me as for her of course :) )

Crazy

Yesterday was my last day of work. Very bitter sweet.

I have been ready for awhile to move on to a new phase in my life, but it was so so tough to say goodbye to everyone I've come to know over the past five years.

We had a little going away party, and (here is the craziest, nicest thing I can imagine, which I wasn't expecting at all), my coworkers chipped in and got me a going away present: an ipad!!!! I was a little bit almost in shock and so touched by such a gesture from everybody that I hopefully didn't just sit there dumbfounded saying something like "oh my gosh WOW" and was able to get out a gracious thank you. But really, what a blessing to work with people who care so much that you succeed, even when you are leaving them, sending you on your way with such a thoughtful and useful gift.

I was eager to see what it was all about and playing around with it last night... there are so many features... for example, I can download apps about the different systems of the human body (muscles/bones, organs, etc) and there are models at different levels of magnification, I can zoom in and rotate around, use it to study and see how everything is fitting together. I'm sure there are other uses I haven't even discovered yet. Wow. I just keep thinking that to myself. Wow. And every time I use it I will remember how blessed I am with the people from this part my life who care for and support me.

This next week is serious overload.

• Today I have to bike over to BU where I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology, pay my tuition, get my textbooks, etc. 
• My first day of the course is Tuesday. I have six hours of lecture and four hours of lab. 
• I'm registering for an online developmental psych course as well.
• Saturday I take the GRE. 
• And tonight, my friends the Danes are coming into town and will be here through almost all of next week. 
• My roommate is graduating from his master's program and his girlfriend and family will be in town. 
• I still need to work out the lease for this coming year with my two new future roommates. 
• Now that I have more free time during the week I need to get back in touch with the people I was shadowing for observation hours and see if we can set up some more regular times I can come in. 
• And I want to do some last studying for the GREs. Maybe take another practice to build up my endurance. 

It is weird. A week or two ago I felt so many conflicting emotions, like inside of me was where crazytown was happening. Now that I've actually officially begun my new path, I still feel like things around me are a bit all over the place, but I'm strangely calm in myself, where I'm headed. Purposeful.

I'm sure that feeling will come and go, but, for now, I run with it.

Winter Learning

As you know, I attended one of the winter mountain workshops with the New Hampshire chapter of the AMC (in specific, I believe my class was called "intermediate winter wilderness travel" or something like that).

Left work early Friday and carpooled up with some other people who were attending from the Boston area. Had some classroom sessions and went out for some hikes with our groups on snowshoes, did a 2,900' or something the first day, and bushwhacked up to a smaller hill and over to an old cellar hole (where there used to be a house like a thousand years ago, probably less than that). We slept in a lodge in bunk beds. We ate a wooden tables in a dining hall with giant timber beams across the ceiling. Like probably 2' deep or something. Nothing like could be built now. I believe the lodge was built in the 20s or 30s, so there were still some big trees like that then. It was kind of paradise there. Got back Sunday evening and had a couple friends/family members over for a little birthday toast.

Things I learned (or did for the first time):

• Learned the symptoms of hypothermia, what to do if something like that happens, what the biggest dangers or things to avoid are
• Carry extra set of socks, dry long underwear, in your pack
• Learned to read a compass/setting bearings
• Bushwhacking (going off the trail, just through the woods, using your map and compass to get from point A to point B)
• Saw where a moose had chewed the bark off of trees. The type of tree was called striped maple, I believe, but the nickname is moosewood, because they sure do love it. 
• Saw snowshoe hare tracks
• Broke trail (this is very fun, basically you are walking in the front of the group, on the fresh snow, and you may or may not be finding the way to go, depending if you are following a trail or bushwhacking)

Things I learned (or remembered) about myself:

• I love being outside
• I love being active
• I love learning new skills
• I am excited to be the first to do something
• I like to notice things and try to figure out what is going on or what caused it to happen or be that way
• I'm not cold when I'm moving

We were packing up to head home and somebody said "back to the real world" and to be honest I was a little bit bummed. The weekend really was spectacular. But then I wondered. Is where we were, in the forest, in the mountains among trees and snow and open sky, isn't that more the real world than almost anything? In a way, yes it is. It does remind you how fragile you are, as a creature, how much we need clothes, shelter, heating, insulation, things like that to keep us warm. That is pretty damn real. We kind of live in a bubble that we can take those things for granted.

In a way it was like a dream too, so so so beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful. So much fun. And there wasn't anything to worry about really, they fed us, told us what to do, taught us what we needed to know. Really the main thing to worry about is not dying, and you do worry about that, a tiny bit, but only from time to time.

Which is more real? I guess all of it is IT IS ALL REAL.

Winter Adventure

This weekend I turn 28.

Also, I am taking a winter wilderness/snowshoe class with AMC. I will need to purchase, borrow, or rent a couple more pieces of gear. Specifically microspikes, as the terrain near the hut where we'll be staying is apparently super icy.

It is so exciting, I can't wait! I can't wait!

I am trying to get my coworkers (or some of them) to do a winter snowshoe hike too. There's actually some significant interest!

Also, I have been spending a bit of time lately with someone for whom it actually makes sense to say "you too" when he says "happy birthday" to me. Cute, right?

AHH

This is the time of year in which I am confused both about how old I am and which year to put at the end of the date. It's like a mini number identity crisis.

p.s. it's 2012 and I'm still 27 for a couple more days (although have thought I'm 26, 27, and 28 this past week).

Sometimes

Sometimes you look at all the things that seem hard, that you want or need to do, and you feel like you just. Can't. Do it.

Sometimes you just gotta look it in the face and say PUP YOU I'M GONNA SHOW YOU. Or at least just dig a tiny bit deeper and find that little bit of strength to drag yourself where you need to be, go through the steps necessary to get things done. One. By. One.

Ah motivation. Ah January. Ah winter.

NBPM: Powder Base

I don't really wear much makeup, typically just a bit of eyeliner, mascara, some subtle eyeshadow. I used to have some liquid foundation Mary Kay from my mom's friend but it was soooo old I threw it out a couple months ago in one of those intense purging moods.

Getting ready for a wedding* this past weekend I realized maybe I wanted to wear a base of some sort, so I had to ask my other lady roommate who fortunately has a similar skin tone and is in the possession of a foundation stick. It made me realize that maybe I need to invest in some of my own, for special occasions or more dressy/professional days even.

Anyway, so today after work I marched my little hiney over to Macy's up to the Origins counter.  No idea why I chose that one, maybe just it didn't seem so harsh, more mild, natural, whatever. Asked the young woman (probably 23 or something, not that I look much older than that) to help me get the right shade and discuss the different options. She was very thorough, talked to me about the pros and cons, what she wears, tried out different types - the powders, the liquid with powder coating, etc.

Exactly what I was hoping for when I walked in there.

I kind of like not wearing tons of makeup all the time. It's more "me." But it's good to have that option now/again.

Not sure where I'm headed with the blog post here, if anywhere. I'm not loving the prompts they are giving, so I guess I'm just going with whatever I feel like writing.

*wedding was tons of fun, btw!

NBPM: Totally Cheating

This is totally cheating as a blog post, but I came across this tutorial on how to do a really cute bun using only a sock:

That was actually going to be my whole post but then I thought of something else I want to say.

I was thinking about crafting, art, on the way home. How I really enjoy it. Almost more than anything. By myself or with other people, doesn't matter, both are nice. Even if whatever it is comes out super crappy (a lot of the time it does - a lot of the time it comes out fantastic too), it is still just enjoyable to be MAKING. Like the process itself is pleasurable. So, as I was walking I was thinking or wondering if it isn't because there is no pressure to perform in that type of situation. Nobody's counting on me, there's no deadline, there's no need to be accurate or money will be lost or someone's reputation will be damaged. It's just nice, like how eating is nice, or running is nice, or jumping or singing or swimming in the waves of the sea. My pace, my vision, just see what happens. You know?

Potato print pillow in progress

Finished product!

NBPM: Life Flashing Before My Eyes

Did one from October for today's: If your life flashed before your eyes, what are 5 moments you know would be included?

Things that have taken up a somewhat depressingly large portion of my life and therefore would be more of an honest representation of how I have spent my days:

• Studying or attending class, daydreaming or doodling
• Sleeping, trying to avoid waking up
• Cleaning, cooking, eating, pooping, showering, etc
• Riding on a train/bus/bike or in a car
• Sitting in my office cube, working on the computer

Things I'd actually want to remember:

1. I'm small. My hair in a long braid down my back. My grandpa, my mom's father, drives me and my brothers and sisters in the back of his rusty pickup truck up a dirt road in the mountains. The air is breezy, whipping strands of hair as we bump over potholes. He pulls over finally to a place with thick green beneath the trees. Gives us each a tin coffee can with a loop of string to hang around our neck. We pick blackberries - hundreds of them. So sweet. So fat. Careful of the thorns! Fill the cans up. Dump them into a big plastic bucket. Pick more. Empty the cans again. Almost as many going into my mouth as into the coffee can. Come home. Make blackberry crisp and jam and pie.
2. At my parents' house. It's dinner time, maybe thanksgiving, maybe a birthday, maybe a relative has died and we are telling our favorite stories in rememberence. Piles of food, all types. Maybe there is a debate. Maybe there are some passions flying. Maybe we are laughing. Loosening our belt buckles or changing into sweat pants to make room for more food.
3. I'm scrambling up a rocky mountain, half graceful, half totally out of control. There's a bit of wind rustling the leaves and there is some moss but not too slippery, and I'm feeling my way up and over and around boulders. Breathing slightly heavy from the intensity. Get to a clearing. The sun bursts out over the valleys. The view is extraordinary. I almost want to die from how awesome I feel.
4. Sitting with friends or family around a campfire, possibly on the beach. Wearing a cosy sweatshirt. Breathe in. Smokey on the breeze. A tiny bit chilly on the backside, warm on the side facing the flame. Crunchy pine needles or damp cool sand underfoot. Sky getting dark. Stars coming out. Some mosquitoes coming out too but we swat em. Maybe we are lucky, see some fireflies.
5. Probably if anything important or life-changing ever happened to me, like meeting the person I was going to spend my life with or seeing my son or daughter for the first time, that would be the fifth thing.

Ughhhh

I spent the night at my parents'. A freak snowstorm came through the area... a lot of the leaves are still green actually.

Several inches we got.

As I was falling asleep I could hear the rustle of the wind, the occasional crack of wood splitting, the thud of a heavy branch hitting the ground. Oh please don't let the house get damaged I prayed. If you are there God and if you have the power to answer prayers like this, please please keep the house from getting damaged. It was the most sincere prayer I've prayed in a long time, and I guess it was actually pretty selfish of a prayer too, since I have invested so much time, energy, resources. But oh well, I think the prayer came true, or else we were lucky, or coincidence. There are  branches everywhere, all over the yard. Branches... actually some are the size of small trees themselves. But I think the house is ok.

It's annoying though. All this work we have been putting in for over a year. Things are finally starting to look good. They are having the real estate agent in Tuesday to take photos. Even if the storm hadn't hit, there's still quite a bit that we have to do on the inside, some last junk to box up, cleaning, etc. Now we are gonna have to saw up all those branches and haul them away too! I will be soooo glad when this sells.

Oh well the sun's coming out now, the snow is starting to fall from the branches in wet chunks (sorry for that imagery there!), the bent branches starting to straighten out again. I think it will all be melted by Tuesday.

I ordered some snow/hiking boots from REI with a 20% discount and they just arrived. I am ready to face yardwork with warm feet. Bring it on BITCHESSSSSS...

A quote, maybe by St Francis of Assisi

“Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” It describes a lot how I feel lately.

New(t) Project

I've been feeling this weird 'manic' energy lately. It's funny, Bubber was mentioning feeling it and I realized OMG ME TOO. A strange power and creativity and diminished sense of risk that we jokingly attribute to our famous ancestor on the Italian side.

Art by Jane Gough.

So yeah. Manic/creative energy. I'm channeling it into starting an Etsy business. To begin with at least, it will be primarily a card and wall print store. Mediums:

• Watercolor
• Pen and ink (and colored pencil)
• Block printing
• Paper collage

I'll make stuff with those mediums (I've got some pieces I can maybe use already, or at least are examples of what I will do), create high-quality copies/prints of the original work and sell them at a pretty reasonable price.

• Thank you cards (pack of 6) - $10-12
• Greeting/wedding/birthday card - $2.00-$3.75
• Prints for nursery, bathroom, kids rooms, other places - $5-25 depending on size and quality/detail of the piece

Also I'll probably sell originals at a bit higher price, maybe like $20-120 or something (again depending on size and quality/detail of the piece). So that's the idea for now.


Tell me: would you pay that much for something handmade? Also, would you be interested in any other types of products?

Some watercolors. I'd probably sell this kind of thing as prints. Maybe it could work as a card too.

And of course butterflies I posted before and that kind of thing. Next up we have papercraft cards. They are pretty, but I'd either have to find some way to easily mass produce them or do color prints of them - but that would lose some of the texture, so this one's still up in the air. 

Some pencil and pen drawings. Cards of these kinds of drawings would probably be cheaper.

    

Ink block printing I sent as Christmas cards last year. If I could do a really nice one with no mess-ups I'd make color copies of it, but otherwise I could sell prints themselves for slightly more.

Of course I'd take a bit more professional photos too. And I ordered a small paper cutter for straight lines - heheh.

New Bucket List

I think I posted one on here before at some point, but here's my new, expanded one.

   1. Get photobooth shots done
   2. Have a bakery or sandwich shop or cafe
   3. Have a flower shop
   4. See northern lights
   5. Own a property - condo or small house - have fun making it quirky and homey
   6. Publish a writing piece, my own ideas or experiences
   7. Photos published somewhere
   8. Learn woodworking
   9. Use pictures to tell a story - children’s book (or an adult book)
  10. Go backpacking
  11. Have kids, get married
  12. Go to Europe to visit EK, the Danes, others
  13. Go to VA to visit LP
  14. Go to Antarctica
  15. Go to Columbia, hike, see Machu Picchu
  16. Road trip or train trip across USA
  17. Ski the Alps
  18. Hike the Alps
  19. Teach an artistic class (silkscreening, woodblock printing)
  20. Help make blankets for people who need them, babies or people in the hospital
  21. Climb Mt Washington

Little Sicko

A dream.

I got kidnapped from my home by a wild band of people.  Kind of scary, kind of appealing/attractive.  I had to go live in this place with them, in the woods.  The lady in charge was very, very strict and had brown bangs and light olive skin.

She kept making me do everything a very particular way.  Her way.  I just had to obey.  I didn't know what would happen to me if I didn't do what she said.  I was trying so hard to do everything perfectly how she preferred.  All I wanted was her to to not criticize me, to be pleased with me.  She sometimes would be... a little bit... I would feel good then, but that's not how it was for the most part. 

I was telling myself it was for my own good, for personal growth. 

Ughhhh... what a sicko I am.