Buffy

So I recently concluded Season 7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer after having watched alllll the prior seasons as well. A lot of ups and downs in that series.

I have so many things sort of brewing in my head from it. Thoughts about healthy vs destructive relationships. What it means to be a strong woman. I don't know if I'll have a better post (or multiple posts) later, but I do want to say there's so much good stuff in that show, besides just entertaining storytelling. I would recommend it for anyone, but especially in regards to the show's treatment of a strong female lead.

Joss, Gellar, and company do not disappoint.



(it is tough not to have more episodes to look forward to though)

Things I Love from Mormonism

• Emphasis on hard work, self-sufficiency, helping those around you.
• That we all have the seeds of godliness within each human being.
• Honoring those who have gone before us.
• Some really nice symbolism.
• The idea of atonement, that there is a force in the universe for healing and growth for when you fuck it all up or feel like you just can't get where you want to go or be the person you want to be, that force for good there inside of you, waiting for the moment when you actually start letting go of all your old baggage and moving on to a healthy and happy you. 
• That it was started by a little guy who asked big questions.
• Related to the above, that sometimes you find fear/darkness/feeling of abandonment before you get knowledge.
• Though it may not seem that way now, deviating from an expected path is at the very core of the religion; the religion's foundation is a giant metaphorical middle finger to "the establishment." If you find something that is wrong or that just makes your soul cry out for answers, maybe it's your responsibility to find the way that is in accordance to the principles of justice and mercy and benevolence and truth as you understand them. Maybe the system is broken. Maybe you were misguided or misunderstanding or headstrong or wanted to have everyone married together in a giant heavenly love-fest and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe you love communes. Maybe you find out after trying it out that some things work better in theory than in practice. Maybe you love nature. Maybe you love someone the same sex as you. Maybe you think people shouldn't be put into little boxes because of their sex or gender. Maybe you are mystical and spiritual and find all the obedience stuff super mundane. Maybe you end up realizing that mundane can transcend too. Maybe this bullet is getting too long compared to all the other bullets. Maybe all of the above. But most importantly, maybe you won't know until you try it, until you say Dear God I don't think this is right, I need to embark on my own. I know of at least one founder of Mormonism who did so. 

Surely there are more, but those are off the top of my mind. Sorry Mormonism that we couldn't make it work, but we had some good times, a lot of which have made me who I am today.

Today, a grasshopper

Today, a grasshopper landed on me while I was riding home. It was cute, and it kind of tickled. I was about to flick it off then I realized it would probably land in the road, get run over and smushed if I did that. So I let it ride home with me on my arm. As we rode our short journey together, I began to grow attached to it, or at least to feel some sort of affinity. Found myself glancing down to my arm, checking to make sure it was still safely clinging, hadn't jumped out into traffic of its own accord or anything, even though I could feel its tiny feet gripping - a little prickly almost.

(Thank you JessicaNarelle for the image)

I got home, hopped off my bike, leaned down next to a bush in front of my apartment, and off it climbed. Little hitchhiker... haha... nice knowing you, that short trip.

"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness..."

Look what happens

Someone from my high school posted this on facebook and it really struck me somewhere inside, especially that last phrase.


Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, “you owe me.” 

Look what happens with a love like that. 

It lights the whole sky. 


This quote appears to be attributed to Hafez, Persian poet.

Crazy

Yesterday was my last day of work. Very bitter sweet.

I have been ready for awhile to move on to a new phase in my life, but it was so so tough to say goodbye to everyone I've come to know over the past five years.

We had a little going away party, and (here is the craziest, nicest thing I can imagine, which I wasn't expecting at all), my coworkers chipped in and got me a going away present: an ipad!!!! I was a little bit almost in shock and so touched by such a gesture from everybody that I hopefully didn't just sit there dumbfounded saying something like "oh my gosh WOW" and was able to get out a gracious thank you. But really, what a blessing to work with people who care so much that you succeed, even when you are leaving them, sending you on your way with such a thoughtful and useful gift.

I was eager to see what it was all about and playing around with it last night... there are so many features... for example, I can download apps about the different systems of the human body (muscles/bones, organs, etc) and there are models at different levels of magnification, I can zoom in and rotate around, use it to study and see how everything is fitting together. I'm sure there are other uses I haven't even discovered yet. Wow. I just keep thinking that to myself. Wow. And every time I use it I will remember how blessed I am with the people from this part my life who care for and support me.

This next week is serious overload.

• Today I have to bike over to BU where I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology, pay my tuition, get my textbooks, etc. 
• My first day of the course is Tuesday. I have six hours of lecture and four hours of lab. 
• I'm registering for an online developmental psych course as well.
• Saturday I take the GRE. 
• And tonight, my friends the Danes are coming into town and will be here through almost all of next week. 
• My roommate is graduating from his master's program and his girlfriend and family will be in town. 
• I still need to work out the lease for this coming year with my two new future roommates. 
• Now that I have more free time during the week I need to get back in touch with the people I was shadowing for observation hours and see if we can set up some more regular times I can come in. 
• And I want to do some last studying for the GREs. Maybe take another practice to build up my endurance. 

It is weird. A week or two ago I felt so many conflicting emotions, like inside of me was where crazytown was happening. Now that I've actually officially begun my new path, I still feel like things around me are a bit all over the place, but I'm strangely calm in myself, where I'm headed. Purposeful.

I'm sure that feeling will come and go, but, for now, I run with it.

Kale Quiche

I made it. It was delicious, but I maybe used too much kale so mine turned out kind of crumbly. Used frozen and used the whole bag. I guess that is equivalent to more than one bunch. But seriously, a bunch is a pretty vague unit of measure. Anyway. Tasty.

(not my picture)

Here is linky: Kale Crustless Quiche

Also I am interested in trying: Gatherer's Pie and Mushroom Thyme Gravy.

Long Over Due Post: Why I Am Not a Mormon

Short answer, there are probably a ton of reasons:

• Political ones
• Social ones
• Doctrinal ones
• Faith ones
• Creepy experiences with men in power ones

These were all sort of happening for years and eventually I couldn't justify those things, didn't get enough out of it, didn't feel I could find enough good to justify them. Basically, I got tired and I wanted to be happy.

Long answer: I know I never had the rock-solid belief that a lot of other people in my various congregations seemed to have. I didn't know if I believed, but I knew I wanted to believe in a benevolent, all-powerful, all-loving God who wasn't sexist or racist or arbitrary or believed in certain sexualities over others. Who was there when you needed him/her. Who helped you through the tough times. I prayed and prayed for that. For God to tell me even something as simple as Yes I validate your struggle, you are known and loved. I clung to the words that other people spoke of their own experiences. Searched everything I could find. Tried to train myself, my habits to be the kind of person who believed, who was worthy of the gift of faith. Who - to use the LDS phraseology - knew.

I don't know why, but I could never feel certain. And I could certainly never justify a lot of the horrible things that have been done in the name of my religion, and the religions it was based on. Never seem to have enough faith in the other stuff to let those bad things slide, or trust that they would be explained 'in the eternities'. And I didn't want to. That felt gravely wrong, terrifying.*

But I also didn't think that I should give up on the good in it. Didn't think my voice, my experiences should be discounted, just because I didn't fit the mold. At times, I thought maybe my role would be to help pave the way for other forms of belief, of living the religion, or to work against those bad things from within, trying to fight injustice where I found it while still attempting to fit in with the greater culture, to 'live in harmony with the gospel'. But let me tell you. That's kind of exhausting. I don't actually love conflict. I struggled on for what felt like a very long time.

And I had my little seedlings of faith and hope. I stumbled upon fiercely loving friends, gentle ones who listened to my teary confessions of doubt, ones who would discuss the complexities of what I was facing, who were maybe facing similar things, or who at least didn't trivialize either side of my conflict.

I came across ideas and principles that really resonated. Little bits here and there that made me feel larger, powerful, good... and gentle too. I created simple rituals for myself (and close friends who were interested) that reflected the beauty and order - and chaos too - around us in the seasons, in darkness and light, in quiet moments and joyful ones and painful ones. Hey, I figured. Joseph Smith could start a religion, why can't I? I carry those little seedlings with me still. And now, too, I love to snatch up those little bits that make you feel like your soul and body are a part of something bigger and like that deeper, wiser part of you knew this all along. They are taking root, getting stronger and sturdier.

Somewhere in this process, my little brother decided to go on a mission for the LDS church. I think I hadn't attended a service in awhile, but then on top of that, began spending Sundays afternoons having family time, hanging out, eating delicious food. A legit 'excuse' for people from my own congregation who might be concerned for my spiritual welfare. My parents went to their congregation in the morning with my little brother and littlest sister, and I didn't want to miss the family time to go to the one near me, so I just didn't go. After he left for his missionary service, I realized, I am happier, calmer, more peaceful when I don't go to church. So I didn't go back.

I have done and tried a lot of new things these past couple years now, most of them not even directly related to things that I wasn't "supposed" to do as a practicing Mormon. I just found myself saying "yes" to new things, new experiences, trying stuff I had never even thought to try before. And it has been good. I am challenging a lot of things I didn't even realize I was holding to so closely. For example, I went to a shooting range and fired a pistol for the first time. I don't love guns, but I have at least tried that now. The world has opened up before me. I feel safer and more confident in myself. I still only think I like 30-40% believe in God, but I do feel more settled and serene.

People from church - I try to remind myself, they are coming from a place of care and concern - have tried to encourage me to go back, to attend activities or meetings, to meet with leaders. I have had to learn to politely say "no thank you," to set my boundaries, and stick to them. To respect my own ability to make choices for my life to trust my decisions and understanding of what I want, and to demand that others respect that as well. This has been a good learning experience for me too.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I will get married or have kids, if my path will lead me back toward the church my parents chose as a young couple with two children, or to a different church, or to some other path I can't even imagine. Maybe I'm actually ok with not knowing.

Maybe it is enough that I can tell myself, Yes I validate your struggle, you are known and loved.

*and probably even a lot of people within the religion would agree that I shouldn't go against that, but other people might also think a person struggling with such thoughts should pray more, read her scriptures more, just trust more

Pupcakes anyone?

I was feeling in the mood to make something cheesy/crafty and thought "aha! groundhog cupcakes." Did a quick google image search for ideas and let me tell you, a lot of them are downright disturbing.

This one looks like a pedophile.

Mouse... with... dentures?

I'm meltinggggg.

Still looks like a peanut.

Just looks vaguely inappropriate.

Sweet mercy what is that thing??? Little poops with M&M eyes?

Finally I saw a link for these Punxsutawny Phil pudding pops from the Junior Society. Unfortunately, I was unable to access the original post, or the blog at all, so we may never know what Junior Society is or where they went. Since the Junior Society was MIA, I figured it would work with cupcakes too.

Nilla wafers for heads.

Almond slices for the ears.

I used yellow cake mix and made some chocolate buttercream frosting. Nutella used to fasten the ears and to draw the faces. They don't look 100% groundhog, more teddy bear almost, but I decided I would rather have cute, bear-like cupcakes than creepy, groundhog-like ones (and even the "groundhog-like" is questionable in many of the instances I came across).

The Sweetest Birthday Wishes, from My Mom...

Got this email in my inbox when I returned from my NH weekend. I think it might be the best happy birthday I got this year.

Hey Hi Birthday Girl!

Hope you're having a wonderful day snowshoeing around - we even got the snow that I special ordered JUST FOR YOU...

Getting out this AM put me in mind of the Saturday morning you were born - it was sooooooo cold that AM that by the time we got Kevin into & out of the car to the Guggios house [and we only had to take him at W______ Rd] and then on to Beth Israel hospital, my labor stopped - and it had been going strong for several hours. Fortunately when I 'thawed out' things kicked back into high gear and we had you .. ta-da here she is! I am so glad that we did; you have truly been a joy to me. I love your spirit and quirky-ness and joie de vivre and kind & generous & loving nature and exceptional, inquisitive mind and your creativity ...and so much more! I love you more than words can say. Happy Birthday, Katie. 

It really means something, coming from the person who has known you since you were born. Who actually made that happen (your birth). Who wiped your little butt and your snotty little nose and held your hair back while you barfed into the toilet and put up with you when you were acting like a little shit... who watched you grow through that super awkward phase (which you may or may not still be in), who loved you through it all and will continue to love you through it all.

Thanks Mom!

NBPM: Recipe - Pumpkin Bread

This is a recipe that kind of developed over the course of several batches. It started from a google search for pumpkin bread recipe, involved accidentally adding twice the amount of pumpkin the recipe called for (2 cans instead of 2 cups OOPS) and went from there, including a new type of flour, and a reduction in sugar. The result is a moist and hearty spiced bread.

Pumpkin Bread

4 eggs

1C sugar (brown or white, I prefer brown) 

1-3T maple syrup (or you can skip the syrup and add up to another 1/2C sugar, if you like)

2 cans unsweetened plain pumpkin

1C vegetable oil

2/3C almond milk (or regular milk or water)

3 1/2C flour (I use barley flour but whole wheat or white works too)

1/2t baking powder

2t baking soda

3/4t salt

1t nutmeg

1t cloves

1t cinnamon
1t ginger
1t allspice

1. Preheat oven to 375 F.

2. Mix eggs and sugar. Add pumpkin, almond milk, maple syrup, oil. Mix thoroughly.

3. Combine all dry ingredients in separate bowl. Mix together with with pumpkin mixture.

4. Pour into greased baking pans. Begin checking large loaf at 50-60 min. Begin checking smaller ones sooner, perhaps 35-45 min. The above makes one loaf pan and three small loafs. I like it because the big loaf is for me to eat and share; the small ones can be for gifts! A half recipe makes one loaf. 

Variations 

Sprinkle top before baking with a bit of cinnamon sugar and some sunflower seeds and chopped pistachios. Press it into the batter a little bit with your fingers. You could probably use slivered almonds, other chopped nuts, and/or oats, I am thinking of trying that next time. 

or

Mix 1C chopped nuts into batter when combining wet and dry ingredients.

NBPM: Powder Base

I don't really wear much makeup, typically just a bit of eyeliner, mascara, some subtle eyeshadow. I used to have some liquid foundation Mary Kay from my mom's friend but it was soooo old I threw it out a couple months ago in one of those intense purging moods.

Getting ready for a wedding* this past weekend I realized maybe I wanted to wear a base of some sort, so I had to ask my other lady roommate who fortunately has a similar skin tone and is in the possession of a foundation stick. It made me realize that maybe I need to invest in some of my own, for special occasions or more dressy/professional days even.

Anyway, so today after work I marched my little hiney over to Macy's up to the Origins counter.  No idea why I chose that one, maybe just it didn't seem so harsh, more mild, natural, whatever. Asked the young woman (probably 23 or something, not that I look much older than that) to help me get the right shade and discuss the different options. She was very thorough, talked to me about the pros and cons, what she wears, tried out different types - the powders, the liquid with powder coating, etc.

Exactly what I was hoping for when I walked in there.

I kind of like not wearing tons of makeup all the time. It's more "me." But it's good to have that option now/again.

Not sure where I'm headed with the blog post here, if anywhere. I'm not loving the prompts they are giving, so I guess I'm just going with whatever I feel like writing.

*wedding was tons of fun, btw!

NBPM: Totally Cheating

This is totally cheating as a blog post, but I came across this tutorial on how to do a really cute bun using only a sock:

That was actually going to be my whole post but then I thought of something else I want to say.

I was thinking about crafting, art, on the way home. How I really enjoy it. Almost more than anything. By myself or with other people, doesn't matter, both are nice. Even if whatever it is comes out super crappy (a lot of the time it does - a lot of the time it comes out fantastic too), it is still just enjoyable to be MAKING. Like the process itself is pleasurable. So, as I was walking I was thinking or wondering if it isn't because there is no pressure to perform in that type of situation. Nobody's counting on me, there's no deadline, there's no need to be accurate or money will be lost or someone's reputation will be damaged. It's just nice, like how eating is nice, or running is nice, or jumping or singing or swimming in the waves of the sea. My pace, my vision, just see what happens. You know?

Potato print pillow in progress

Finished product!

Vote

I think I am going to order a pincushion from etsy.com - which do you like best (or top 2 or 3)?

Toadstool pincushion:

Embroidered flower garden felt pincushion (miniature):

Felted Pear Pincushion:

Pebble pincushion - dark grey:

Strawberry:

New(t) Project

I've been feeling this weird 'manic' energy lately. It's funny, Bubber was mentioning feeling it and I realized OMG ME TOO. A strange power and creativity and diminished sense of risk that we jokingly attribute to our famous ancestor on the Italian side.

Art by Jane Gough.

So yeah. Manic/creative energy. I'm channeling it into starting an Etsy business. To begin with at least, it will be primarily a card and wall print store. Mediums:

• Watercolor
• Pen and ink (and colored pencil)
• Block printing
• Paper collage

I'll make stuff with those mediums (I've got some pieces I can maybe use already, or at least are examples of what I will do), create high-quality copies/prints of the original work and sell them at a pretty reasonable price.

• Thank you cards (pack of 6) - $10-12
• Greeting/wedding/birthday card - $2.00-$3.75
• Prints for nursery, bathroom, kids rooms, other places - $5-25 depending on size and quality/detail of the piece

Also I'll probably sell originals at a bit higher price, maybe like $20-120 or something (again depending on size and quality/detail of the piece). So that's the idea for now.


Tell me: would you pay that much for something handmade? Also, would you be interested in any other types of products?

Some watercolors. I'd probably sell this kind of thing as prints. Maybe it could work as a card too.

And of course butterflies I posted before and that kind of thing. Next up we have papercraft cards. They are pretty, but I'd either have to find some way to easily mass produce them or do color prints of them - but that would lose some of the texture, so this one's still up in the air. 

Some pencil and pen drawings. Cards of these kinds of drawings would probably be cheaper.

    

Ink block printing I sent as Christmas cards last year. If I could do a really nice one with no mess-ups I'd make color copies of it, but otherwise I could sell prints themselves for slightly more.

Of course I'd take a bit more professional photos too. And I ordered a small paper cutter for straight lines - heheh.

Cards!

I made some! I also made a painting of poppies and a sleeping baby fox, but I don't have a pic of them.

The cards are for giving away. But I wonder if I could sell some other ones that are slightly more professional.

My new idea would be to make some color copies and cut the prints to size and put them on the colored mats instead of one original painting per card. It would still be pretty nice and I could get multiple cards from the same painting.

Yeah it could be good.

Some Updates

Tonight I am going to my first meetup event! A vegetarian food meetup. I wonder what the other people will be like. Hopefully not the crazy veg types.

Also I'm getting this, because I think it's funny and cool (Reunite Pangea - heeee):

Also we have made some huge progress in terms of my parents and their house. 

Also, I've been reading this book about unlocking your creativity, doing the different exercises and stuff. It might be a bit hokey, but I also do sort of agree with its premise, that creativity is a way of acknowledging a higher power, of channeling the divine in your life.

Finally, I think I want to start posting again on One Little Joy.

New Bucket List

I think I posted one on here before at some point, but here's my new, expanded one.

   1. Get photobooth shots done
   2. Have a bakery or sandwich shop or cafe
   3. Have a flower shop
   4. See northern lights
   5. Own a property - condo or small house - have fun making it quirky and homey
   6. Publish a writing piece, my own ideas or experiences
   7. Photos published somewhere
   8. Learn woodworking
   9. Use pictures to tell a story - children’s book (or an adult book)
  10. Go backpacking
  11. Have kids, get married
  12. Go to Europe to visit EK, the Danes, others
  13. Go to VA to visit LP
  14. Go to Antarctica
  15. Go to Columbia, hike, see Machu Picchu
  16. Road trip or train trip across USA
  17. Ski the Alps
  18. Hike the Alps
  19. Teach an artistic class (silkscreening, woodblock printing)
  20. Help make blankets for people who need them, babies or people in the hospital
  21. Climb Mt Washington

Weekend Update

Due to a series of unfortunate incidents I ended up not being able to go out to NY to participate in the field hockey alumni game this weekend at my alma mater.  Anyway, it was only a bummer for a short while. I did a lot of fun things instead.

Hung out with many, many Danes. Very hyggelig.

Got my hair cut. Got some Indian lunch buffet.  Spent some time at K + T's and baby M's for awhile. Installed the Bum Genius for them (attaches right to the toilet supply line!)

Took the first nap of the season in the back porch hammock. Had two of my sisters over to make these little chocolate coated cake owls and cake-filled easter baskets.

Creepy-cute. My favorite.

Also I met with one of my new roommates.  It's sad that the Danes have to go back to Denmark mid-June... but he will hopefully be a fun and responsible and easygoing roommate.

More pics from creep-cute cake time:

Saw off the bottom of ice cream cones.  Fill with chocolate to create bottom of "basket."

The handle is chocolate twizzler, miraculously

.

Owl body in melted chocolate coating.

Dane food.

  

Some of my favorite creepy-cuties.