Sunday, November 1, 2009

Food Storage: Existential Crisis

So I am the "Provident Living Specialist" for my congregation.  Basically I am supposed to get people to store several months' worth of food and stuff like that.  Anyway, I sent the following email to the listserve, with picture attached. I figured I should share it here, because why not? 

I haven't done one of these ramble-y Provident Living emails in awhile.  But I felt inspired.  In the midst of a minor existential crisis which seemingly came out of nowhere, I had a very important learning experience which helped me realize the importance of food storage.  

I don't want to go to work tomorrow.  I can't face another day.  It's November already. 

You know.  It was one of those days.  You have had one of those days too.  We have all had one of those days.  Cranky.  Whining.  Dressed in in PJ pants, sequined dress, and oversized brown sweater.   A veritable self-described "wad."  And I was so hungry, yet there was nothing that seemed appealing to me.  I kept wandering into the kitchen, hoping beyond hope that there would be something in the cupboard that seemed palatable.  But no luck.  Each time it was still all the same food.  Yes, it was real rough. 

I flopped down on JDH's bed, where she finally made a suggestion for a food item which would have helped get me out of the funk (or at least which would have tasted really, really good).  Made with organic semolina pasta from durum wheat, cheddar cheese, whey, buttermilk, butter, salt, and natural sodium phosphate...

Yes.  Annie's Bunny Pasta


Brothers and sisters, I am not sure I can convey the distress which consumed my soul.  Even if I typed a colon with twenty-three left parentheses, it would not be sufficient.  In the moment, it was - truly - agonizing.  "Well, we could go to the grocery store and buy some.  How does that sound?" JDH suggested, almost timidly.  Okay, I nodded.  I put on my boots (see picture, which I have included so you can really get a sense of the experience), and we headed over to the thankfully-still-open store.  Once back home, with aforementioned bunny pasta, I realized that the whole situation could have been entirely prevented, if only I had kept sufficient stores of the soul-healing substance on hand.  It has a good shelf life.  It is easy to prepare.  I am the Provident Living specialist.  I could have totally been all over it. 

And really, the point of it all is that I WILL.  That's right.  I'll never let this happen again.  And really, what IS emergency preparedness, beside preparing for any and all foreseeable disasters?  Am I right?  Am I right? 

Shameless plug for cheesey bunny pasta. 


Logan said...


your picture reminded me of this:

Logan said...


kaci + tom said...

oh man. that's gotta be the best provident living email ever composed.

it also made me crave this bunny pasta...and i've never even had it.

Newt said...

Hm. Looks as though I posted too soon. It seems the email has gotten stuck in "moderation."