Things I Love from Mormonism

• Emphasis on hard work, self-sufficiency, helping those around you.
• That we all have the seeds of godliness within each human being.
• Honoring those who have gone before us.
• Some really nice symbolism.
• The idea of atonement, that there is a force in the universe for healing and growth for when you fuck it all up or feel like you just can't get where you want to go or be the person you want to be, that force for good there inside of you, waiting for the moment when you actually start letting go of all your old baggage and moving on to a healthy and happy you. 
• That it was started by a little guy who asked big questions.
• Related to the above, that sometimes you find fear/darkness/feeling of abandonment before you get knowledge.
• Though it may not seem that way now, deviating from an expected path is at the very core of the religion; the religion's foundation is a giant metaphorical middle finger to "the establishment." If you find something that is wrong or that just makes your soul cry out for answers, maybe it's your responsibility to find the way that is in accordance to the principles of justice and mercy and benevolence and truth as you understand them. Maybe the system is broken. Maybe you were misguided or misunderstanding or headstrong or wanted to have everyone married together in a giant heavenly love-fest and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe you love communes. Maybe you find out after trying it out that some things work better in theory than in practice. Maybe you love nature. Maybe you love someone the same sex as you. Maybe you think people shouldn't be put into little boxes because of their sex or gender. Maybe you are mystical and spiritual and find all the obedience stuff super mundane. Maybe you end up realizing that mundane can transcend too. Maybe this bullet is getting too long compared to all the other bullets. Maybe all of the above. But most importantly, maybe you won't know until you try it, until you say Dear God I don't think this is right, I need to embark on my own. I know of at least one founder of Mormonism who did so. 

Surely there are more, but those are off the top of my mind. Sorry Mormonism that we couldn't make it work, but we had some good times, a lot of which have made me who I am today.

Look what happens

Someone from my high school posted this on facebook and it really struck me somewhere inside, especially that last phrase.


Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, “you owe me.” 

Look what happens with a love like that. 

It lights the whole sky. 


This quote appears to be attributed to Hafez, Persian poet.

Winter Learning

As you know, I attended one of the winter mountain workshops with the New Hampshire chapter of the AMC (in specific, I believe my class was called "intermediate winter wilderness travel" or something like that).

Left work early Friday and carpooled up with some other people who were attending from the Boston area. Had some classroom sessions and went out for some hikes with our groups on snowshoes, did a 2,900' or something the first day, and bushwhacked up to a smaller hill and over to an old cellar hole (where there used to be a house like a thousand years ago, probably less than that). We slept in a lodge in bunk beds. We ate a wooden tables in a dining hall with giant timber beams across the ceiling. Like probably 2' deep or something. Nothing like could be built now. I believe the lodge was built in the 20s or 30s, so there were still some big trees like that then. It was kind of paradise there. Got back Sunday evening and had a couple friends/family members over for a little birthday toast.

Things I learned (or did for the first time):

• Learned the symptoms of hypothermia, what to do if something like that happens, what the biggest dangers or things to avoid are
• Carry extra set of socks, dry long underwear, in your pack
• Learned to read a compass/setting bearings
• Bushwhacking (going off the trail, just through the woods, using your map and compass to get from point A to point B)
• Saw where a moose had chewed the bark off of trees. The type of tree was called striped maple, I believe, but the nickname is moosewood, because they sure do love it. 
• Saw snowshoe hare tracks
• Broke trail (this is very fun, basically you are walking in the front of the group, on the fresh snow, and you may or may not be finding the way to go, depending if you are following a trail or bushwhacking)

Things I learned (or remembered) about myself:

• I love being outside
• I love being active
• I love learning new skills
• I am excited to be the first to do something
• I like to notice things and try to figure out what is going on or what caused it to happen or be that way
• I'm not cold when I'm moving

We were packing up to head home and somebody said "back to the real world" and to be honest I was a little bit bummed. The weekend really was spectacular. But then I wondered. Is where we were, in the forest, in the mountains among trees and snow and open sky, isn't that more the real world than almost anything? In a way, yes it is. It does remind you how fragile you are, as a creature, how much we need clothes, shelter, heating, insulation, things like that to keep us warm. That is pretty damn real. We kind of live in a bubble that we can take those things for granted.

In a way it was like a dream too, so so so beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful. So much fun. And there wasn't anything to worry about really, they fed us, told us what to do, taught us what we needed to know. Really the main thing to worry about is not dying, and you do worry about that, a tiny bit, but only from time to time.

Which is more real? I guess all of it is IT IS ALL REAL.

The Sweetest Birthday Wishes, from My Mom...

Got this email in my inbox when I returned from my NH weekend. I think it might be the best happy birthday I got this year.

Hey Hi Birthday Girl!

Hope you're having a wonderful day snowshoeing around - we even got the snow that I special ordered JUST FOR YOU...

Getting out this AM put me in mind of the Saturday morning you were born - it was sooooooo cold that AM that by the time we got Kevin into & out of the car to the Guggios house [and we only had to take him at W______ Rd] and then on to Beth Israel hospital, my labor stopped - and it had been going strong for several hours. Fortunately when I 'thawed out' things kicked back into high gear and we had you .. ta-da here she is! I am so glad that we did; you have truly been a joy to me. I love your spirit and quirky-ness and joie de vivre and kind & generous & loving nature and exceptional, inquisitive mind and your creativity ...and so much more! I love you more than words can say. Happy Birthday, Katie. 

It really means something, coming from the person who has known you since you were born. Who actually made that happen (your birth). Who wiped your little butt and your snotty little nose and held your hair back while you barfed into the toilet and put up with you when you were acting like a little shit... who watched you grow through that super awkward phase (which you may or may not still be in), who loved you through it all and will continue to love you through it all.

Thanks Mom!

Sometimes

Sometimes you look at all the things that seem hard, that you want or need to do, and you feel like you just. Can't. Do it.

Sometimes you just gotta look it in the face and say PUP YOU I'M GONNA SHOW YOU. Or at least just dig a tiny bit deeper and find that little bit of strength to drag yourself where you need to be, go through the steps necessary to get things done. One. By. One.

Ah motivation. Ah January. Ah winter.

NBPM: Powder Base

I don't really wear much makeup, typically just a bit of eyeliner, mascara, some subtle eyeshadow. I used to have some liquid foundation Mary Kay from my mom's friend but it was soooo old I threw it out a couple months ago in one of those intense purging moods.

Getting ready for a wedding* this past weekend I realized maybe I wanted to wear a base of some sort, so I had to ask my other lady roommate who fortunately has a similar skin tone and is in the possession of a foundation stick. It made me realize that maybe I need to invest in some of my own, for special occasions or more dressy/professional days even.

Anyway, so today after work I marched my little hiney over to Macy's up to the Origins counter.  No idea why I chose that one, maybe just it didn't seem so harsh, more mild, natural, whatever. Asked the young woman (probably 23 or something, not that I look much older than that) to help me get the right shade and discuss the different options. She was very thorough, talked to me about the pros and cons, what she wears, tried out different types - the powders, the liquid with powder coating, etc.

Exactly what I was hoping for when I walked in there.

I kind of like not wearing tons of makeup all the time. It's more "me." But it's good to have that option now/again.

Not sure where I'm headed with the blog post here, if anywhere. I'm not loving the prompts they are giving, so I guess I'm just going with whatever I feel like writing.

*wedding was tons of fun, btw!

NBPM: Totally Cheating

This is totally cheating as a blog post, but I came across this tutorial on how to do a really cute bun using only a sock:

That was actually going to be my whole post but then I thought of something else I want to say.

I was thinking about crafting, art, on the way home. How I really enjoy it. Almost more than anything. By myself or with other people, doesn't matter, both are nice. Even if whatever it is comes out super crappy (a lot of the time it does - a lot of the time it comes out fantastic too), it is still just enjoyable to be MAKING. Like the process itself is pleasurable. So, as I was walking I was thinking or wondering if it isn't because there is no pressure to perform in that type of situation. Nobody's counting on me, there's no deadline, there's no need to be accurate or money will be lost or someone's reputation will be damaged. It's just nice, like how eating is nice, or running is nice, or jumping or singing or swimming in the waves of the sea. My pace, my vision, just see what happens. You know?

Potato print pillow in progress

Finished product!

NBPM: Life Flashing Before My Eyes

Did one from October for today's: If your life flashed before your eyes, what are 5 moments you know would be included?

Things that have taken up a somewhat depressingly large portion of my life and therefore would be more of an honest representation of how I have spent my days:

• Studying or attending class, daydreaming or doodling
• Sleeping, trying to avoid waking up
• Cleaning, cooking, eating, pooping, showering, etc
• Riding on a train/bus/bike or in a car
• Sitting in my office cube, working on the computer

Things I'd actually want to remember:

1. I'm small. My hair in a long braid down my back. My grandpa, my mom's father, drives me and my brothers and sisters in the back of his rusty pickup truck up a dirt road in the mountains. The air is breezy, whipping strands of hair as we bump over potholes. He pulls over finally to a place with thick green beneath the trees. Gives us each a tin coffee can with a loop of string to hang around our neck. We pick blackberries - hundreds of them. So sweet. So fat. Careful of the thorns! Fill the cans up. Dump them into a big plastic bucket. Pick more. Empty the cans again. Almost as many going into my mouth as into the coffee can. Come home. Make blackberry crisp and jam and pie.
2. At my parents' house. It's dinner time, maybe thanksgiving, maybe a birthday, maybe a relative has died and we are telling our favorite stories in rememberence. Piles of food, all types. Maybe there is a debate. Maybe there are some passions flying. Maybe we are laughing. Loosening our belt buckles or changing into sweat pants to make room for more food.
3. I'm scrambling up a rocky mountain, half graceful, half totally out of control. There's a bit of wind rustling the leaves and there is some moss but not too slippery, and I'm feeling my way up and over and around boulders. Breathing slightly heavy from the intensity. Get to a clearing. The sun bursts out over the valleys. The view is extraordinary. I almost want to die from how awesome I feel.
4. Sitting with friends or family around a campfire, possibly on the beach. Wearing a cosy sweatshirt. Breathe in. Smokey on the breeze. A tiny bit chilly on the backside, warm on the side facing the flame. Crunchy pine needles or damp cool sand underfoot. Sky getting dark. Stars coming out. Some mosquitoes coming out too but we swat em. Maybe we are lucky, see some fireflies.
5. Probably if anything important or life-changing ever happened to me, like meeting the person I was going to spend my life with or seeing my son or daughter for the first time, that would be the fifth thing.

NBPM: Last Meal

Ok so it is national blog post month (similar to the novel writing one but seems like somewhat less work, since they don't have to tie together into a coherent story). I just found it out from Cinderella's Pear. Anyway I missed the first two days and kind of don't really love the prompt for today, so I'm going to go with yesterday's prompt:

If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?

This is soooooo difficult to me.

Probably it would be an around the world vegetarian buffet. That is probably cheating. But I have no idea how I'd choose something. I love pretty much all vegetarian Indian food. I love lasagna and pizza. I love greens and mushrooms and cheese and fruit. I love different types of hearty bread. Hummus. Lentil soup. Stuffed peppers. And some nice red wine.

For dessert, pumpkin pie. Whipped cream. Berries. Mmm I'm sort of salivating thinking of it all.

Ok yes I definitely choose around the world vegetarian buffet. Haha I am such a cheater! I would go out with a bang. And of course everyone I love is there eating with me.

 

New(t) Project

I've been feeling this weird 'manic' energy lately. It's funny, Bubber was mentioning feeling it and I realized OMG ME TOO. A strange power and creativity and diminished sense of risk that we jokingly attribute to our famous ancestor on the Italian side.

Art by Jane Gough.

So yeah. Manic/creative energy. I'm channeling it into starting an Etsy business. To begin with at least, it will be primarily a card and wall print store. Mediums:

• Watercolor
• Pen and ink (and colored pencil)
• Block printing
• Paper collage

I'll make stuff with those mediums (I've got some pieces I can maybe use already, or at least are examples of what I will do), create high-quality copies/prints of the original work and sell them at a pretty reasonable price.

• Thank you cards (pack of 6) - $10-12
• Greeting/wedding/birthday card - $2.00-$3.75
• Prints for nursery, bathroom, kids rooms, other places - $5-25 depending on size and quality/detail of the piece

Also I'll probably sell originals at a bit higher price, maybe like $20-120 or something (again depending on size and quality/detail of the piece). So that's the idea for now.


Tell me: would you pay that much for something handmade? Also, would you be interested in any other types of products?

Some watercolors. I'd probably sell this kind of thing as prints. Maybe it could work as a card too.

And of course butterflies I posted before and that kind of thing. Next up we have papercraft cards. They are pretty, but I'd either have to find some way to easily mass produce them or do color prints of them - but that would lose some of the texture, so this one's still up in the air. 

Some pencil and pen drawings. Cards of these kinds of drawings would probably be cheaper.

    

Ink block printing I sent as Christmas cards last year. If I could do a really nice one with no mess-ups I'd make color copies of it, but otherwise I could sell prints themselves for slightly more.

Of course I'd take a bit more professional photos too. And I ordered a small paper cutter for straight lines - heheh.

New Bucket List

I think I posted one on here before at some point, but here's my new, expanded one.

   1. Get photobooth shots done
   2. Have a bakery or sandwich shop or cafe
   3. Have a flower shop
   4. See northern lights
   5. Own a property - condo or small house - have fun making it quirky and homey
   6. Publish a writing piece, my own ideas or experiences
   7. Photos published somewhere
   8. Learn woodworking
   9. Use pictures to tell a story - children’s book (or an adult book)
  10. Go backpacking
  11. Have kids, get married
  12. Go to Europe to visit EK, the Danes, others
  13. Go to VA to visit LP
  14. Go to Antarctica
  15. Go to Columbia, hike, see Machu Picchu
  16. Road trip or train trip across USA
  17. Ski the Alps
  18. Hike the Alps
  19. Teach an artistic class (silkscreening, woodblock printing)
  20. Help make blankets for people who need them, babies or people in the hospital
  21. Climb Mt Washington

Goodbye Week, Hello Weekend

This weekend we have a baby* party at my apartment for Kaci + Tom.  My littlest sister sings in West Side Story.  I get to see almost my whole family.  And dear dear dear Rachy comes to stay for a few days! 

Goodbye week, hello weekend. 




*That baby's gonna be here so soon...

Alice

So I just re-watched the new Alice in Wonderland and these words jumped out at me.  The White Queen speaks them to Alice as she's looking out at the faces of all the friends she has made along the way, deciding if she is up to the challenge of fighting the jabberwocky.

You cannot live your life to please others.  The choice must be yours, because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out alone.  

The beginning sounds a little cliche... but then that last part especially hit me pretty hard. While we can and often do have the support of loved ones - friends, mentors, family members - we ultimately battle our demons ourselves, by ourselves.

It is hard sometimes to know what you want.  It's hard to know what is your own and what you've merely absorbed from those around you.  But sometimes you need to know how to distinguish.

Maybe "that creature," the jabberwocky, can be a lot of things.  But it is certainly a thing we are afraid of.   I remember something a woman said at a presentation/seminar to other women about having a dream and working to reach it: if you feel scared, or like it's impossible, you're probably getting close.  And somehow, that same feeling seems to be the key to knowing what you want.  Pushing through the fear, pushing through despite the fear is what makes you strong.  It is how you know. 

You will step out alone. 

Being Happy, Dammit

Unofficial slogan for me these days (apparently):

It's MY life and I'm going to do what I want and be HAPPY, dammit.

I don't really why I feel suddenly freed, but I do.  I just find myself doing so many things I never felt like I could or should do. And I like it. 

Winter

Why is life so hard in the winter?  My life is not a bad life.  I try to think positive thoughts, do fun things, keep active, but somehow everything is several times more difficult than usual, and sad. 

This is how I feel: how can I face another week? 

Snow Miracle

It snowed here. A lot.  I might write about Christmas holiday at some point, but now I am just so happy about this beautiful snow.  Here's something I wrote about our first, little snow last week, it still applies, perhaps more:

AHHHH snow is so pretty! Walking to the train this morning was a little bit thrilling. Neighbors out shoveling. Little doggies making tracks on the sidewalk. The ice on the river, covered in white, except for a few swirly patches here and there. The roofs of the buildings, white. The swings in the playground, people’s front steps. White. Also, I like that the snow kind of shakes everyone back to reality. Everything looks so different. The world looks so different, the same trees, cars, sidewalks, but somehow all brand new.

Snow found its way everywhere. 

Not even the birdhouse was spared.

Three in a row. 

Ice, ice, baby. 

Drippy.

The snow collected in a narrow cap along the top of the fence.  

Trees.  Branches. Snow.  Sky.

Snow barf on everything.

View from front porch.

I have a ton more where that came from, but those are just some highlights.

I woke up with a killer headache and called in to work saying I needed to go back to bed.  When I awoke for real and had something to eat and drink, I checked to make sure it was fine if I took a 'snow day' for myself.  I then proceeded to lounge around for awhile as snowy wind howled around the apartment.  After I had enough of coziness, I bundled up, went out on foot with my camera and my HP7 book, sat in a cafe for awhile, sipped some hot cider.

Bubs and I tried to go skating but it was closed because of THE WEATHER.  Silly.

So we found ourselves having Vietnamese and watching TRON: Legacy.  We both ended up pretty happy with that series of events.  Movie recommended if you're in the mood for a fun, action-y film with fun,  action-y soundtrack.  3D not required.


A song my mom used to sing.

It snowed last night, it snowed last night.
The sky bears had a pillow fight,
Tore up all the clouds in sight, tossed down all the feathers white.
Oh, it snowed last night, it snowed last night.

Learning

A lot of life is about learning to listen, huh? 

October Mountain

Family campout weekend. This place was called October Mountain. Fitting, huh?

We went hiking on Saturday.

The noteworthy things which happened or which we saw included a sprained ankle, lots of 'poison ivy', a sick sister, a cell phone falling into the marsh (gone forever), four different people reaching around in the muddy water for the cell phone, fraudulent leech scare... another sister throwing up, some landscapes, another sister working on a grant application on her laptop, and some fungus/leaves/trees.  Beth somehow managed to look SASSY in all the pictures in which she appears. 

I came. I saw. I conquered.

Amber waves of grain.  

 

Fungus 1. 

Fungus 2. 

Pretty.

Sasseh. 

Birches. 

So intense.  So vivid. 

Sickie/sprained ankle pup. 

'Oh. My hair doesn't look that bad'. 

The roots from a fallen tree provided a lot of entertainment for us.

Their new album cover.  

Why hello there father o' mine. 

Time for walkies. 

Marshlands.  Formed by beavers.  We did not see the beavers. 

Beth carried little gimpy pup.  You know you're loved when...

Tinfoil dinners.  YUMMY. 

And milk.