Friday, March 26, 2010

Love Notes

Dear Boston,
Just wanted to make sure you didn't forget about me and my harrowing beauty.  Didn't want you to grow complacent.  Didn't want you to forget pain. 


Dear Boston,
You should have known I am capricious and fickle.  You should have known I make an exciting lover but a terrible spouse.  And Newt, you should have worn gloves today. 


Dear woman next to me on the train with the books of art photographs that were so beautiful,

Why did you flip through the pages so quickly?  I didn't even get a chance to see half of them, let alone CHERISH the aesthetic details.

I understand it is YOUR BOOK, but still...


Dear Snow/March,
We are going to bloom anyway.  And we're not going to die.

-Pretty Trees

Dear Newt,
It is my book, so I can do what I want with it.

-Woman next to you on the train with the art photograph books

p.s. Stop snooping over my shoulder.

Monday, March 22, 2010

And Then I Think

Sweet holy cupcakes, woman. Eat some dinner and stop messing around.

I Love

This song.  So waily-awesome.  Sadly, I haven't listened to it in a long time because my hard drive got baleeted.  

And the pregger banjo player.  OF COURSE the pregger banjo player.  Here's an excerpt from an email:
I basically love when pregnant women do anything.  It's like you take any activity and it is ~10x cooler when a pregnant person does it.  Shooting an arrow?  Pretty cool.  Shooting an arrow while pregnant?  Effing. Bad. Ass.  

This post is hereby publicly dedicated to Kaci.  

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I need to do this.  Things that made me glad to be alive today:
  • Getting to work by 8:00 AM
  • Sunshine
  • Warmth
  • Lunchtime walk
  • Vietnamese sandwich
  • Tiny nap on a park bench
  • Man selling paintings and playing motown from an old jukebox
  • Watching people walking
  • Tiny dogs
  • Daffodils
  • Exchanging smiles
  • Exchanging sweaters
  • People talking in other languages
  • Telling a girl I like her weird shoes
  • Getting a seat on the train
  • Hobbit soundtrack
  • Making beans and rice and fried bananas for dinner with Bubber
The end.  

Thursday, March 11, 2010


On the one hand, Lent has been going pretty well, in terms of not craving candy/chocolate/desserts (except that today I want a cookie DESPERATELY, but generally I even do okay). 

On the other hand, I don't know how well I have been doing in terms of my original conception. Everything has just been sort of a fog of numbness these past couple weeks. 

Le sigh. I don't even know what's going on with that. 

Well, there are still three weeks remaining for me to at least ATTEMPT to do this with a little more purpose.  Yes that is the whole point of any of it, for me at least. 

Meaning and purpose. 

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


I feel sad throwing away ballpoint pens...

Sunday, March 7, 2010


I spilled my change purse all over the floor and into the candy bar rack and under the checkout counter at CVS, and my first thought was "DAMMIT.  I had a ton of quarters in there.  Those are so valuable... for laundry." 

Real News

I saw a used pregnancy indicator in the flower bed in front of my building.  Just lying there.  Discarded.  It had spoken its message and been tossed aside. 

A pregnancy test does not deliver petty gossip. 

It comes bearing news.  Real news. 

Did the woman who used it want a child?  Had she been praying and hoping that this time, THIS time, it would come out positive?  Is she jumping up and down and kissing her husband?

Or is she reeling, is her throat dry and knotted?  Did she miss that menstrual cycle and think "oh shit, oh shit shit shit," and hoped against hopes that it was just because of midterms stress, but now everything is so fucking real that it doesn't feel real at all?  

I can't imagine it's possible to pee on one of those little sticks without strong feelings.  Hope, joy, apprehension, delight, disappointment, fear, horror, disgust... the seeds for all of these are contained in this disposable electronic instrument.   Based on a simple PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT her life could change for better or for worse (usually both, I would imagine) or could stay, sadly - or blessedly - exactly as it was.  So rarely is there such an intense binary in all of the human experience.

Dear woman, whoever you are, wherever you are, and maybe even the potential child whom your blood will nourish, my heart goes out to you. 

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

New Word

Numinous.  I like its definition, though I'm not sold yet on its aesthetic/auditory appeal. I probably need to hear it in more sentences before I can fully embrace it. 

I do like numen in both contexts, though, both aesthetically and semantically.