Wednesday, November 17, 2010

All You Need Is...

It is a tiny bit depressing when it's all couples in the house (even though they are all amazing and delightful people).  I feel like I'm generally a pretty content person, but my body and heart do crave that kind of companionship. 

I am concerned I'm a little too picky about men.  I find a lot of them attractive, but I just don't know how many would make a good partner based on the way they behave.  Really, if I am in a relationship with somebody, I don't want the relationship to cause more problems in my life than the person helps me resolve. I've reflected a lot on past relationships, what worked, what didn't, what I would like, what I wouldn't, etc. Specifically, I'd want to date somebody with similar values in the following areas:
  • family and relationships
  • faith/spirituality
  • attitude toward life
  • similar sense of humor

Other qualities I would like:
  • kindness and respect
  • spend time with me doing fun and interesting things
  • discuss problem situations and work toward solutions
  • give and receive physical affection
Also, as mentioned, I definitely do not want someone who causes more drama/problems than he helps resolve.  The bolded somehow seems to be particularly rare, among the men I've dated at least.  Since I'm not really involved in the LDS dating scene these days, I'm starting to feel ready to use my OkCupid account again, at least as a way to expose myself to new people.

UGH I guess the annoying part is that based on past experience it's such a big time suck with very low chances of return. So maybe I need to have a more efficient approach/screening process.
  • Update profile to more clearly reflect those specific criteria I just listed
  • Remember that I don't have to message everyone who messages me
  • Ask people about their family, their view on spirituality in a message
  • Go on 2 dates per month
Dearest readers, give me feedback on these criteria, this plan.  Is it even viable for a person to be trying to 'find' love, since so much depends upon chance and upon another person anyway? 

8 comments:

ci said...

oh pup. i wish i had a good answer for you. i think a good chunk of it must be chance, but making an effort to meet lots of different people should certainly help. for what it's worth, i'm finding that more and more of my good friends have found wonderful partners through online dating sites. i have full confidence that someone nearby fits those qualities you listed. <3

Katya said...

"I guess the annoying part is that based on past experience it's such a big time suck with very low chances of return."

I think that a time / energy investment of 2 dates a month seems like a wise way of approaching this problem. I.e., assuming that you need to put some sort of small but sustainable investment into the process. Why don't you try this for a few months and then see if you think it's working or not.

ju said...

OR you could hire someone to do the screening process for you. less time suck, more return/rewards. :D

Newt said...

Yeah, Ju has more of the idea. The dates are not so much the time suck as the messaging and reading profiles and coordinating when/where to meet up.

Hahaha... maybe SB can hook me up with some of his Filipinos to perform the screening process for me. You know, outsource it. It would be way cheap. HAHAHA. I almost love this idea.

Kaci: ♥

Saule Cogneur said...

Suggestion 1: Don't sweat your profile too much. For the most part, people just want to see your picture and know how crazy you are (maybe are not).

Save the "goals" for private messaging and phone calls. Make your profile light and fun. I agree that there's no need to reply to everyone.

Online dating is at least as shallow as regular dating; never forget that.

Suggestion 2: Get a job in Atlanta ;)

Boodle said...

So much depends upon chance, yes; but such a chance becomes more likely with more opportunities!

Do you smell what I'm steppin' in?

<3

Rachel. said...

the qualities you are looking for are wonderful qualities. and it will make me think life/humanity is better if you find someone who matches. (and has a green sweater.)

I also think trying ok cupid again could be a great thing, especially if you remember your own advice to not feel like you have to respond to every message. good luck, madam!

Newt said...

This plan, not my favorite plan.